Trying to untangle Kato and Clouseau’s densely matted coats always ended with profanity and bloodshed. The Himalayans required constant grooming and brushing which, naturally, they hated with a hissing and scratching passion. We inherited the sullen, furry, little sofa-yaks from Amy’s older sister, whose allergies were driven mad by the cats’ constant shedding. That’s OK, though, Shuggie Pop gets the last laugh by using my belly as a springboard when Amy suddenly screams while we are watching scary horror movies like “The Witch” or “Zoolander 2.” Judging by the claw marks left around my belly button, I must be moonlighting as a lion tamer.īefore Pinko and Shuggie came along, Amy and I were roommates with two Himalayan headcases named Kato and Clouseau. It’s what’s known as a “spay sway” and it’s more amusing to watch than all 90 minutes of “The Secret Life of Pets.” When he trots through the house, his belly - or panther pouch - swings from side to side like a pendulum. Shuggie Pop is a charming clown, a vocal complainer and a bit of a spoiled brat who demands constant attention. We also have a second Russian Blue named Shuggie Pop, who is a few years younger and a few pounds lighter than Pinko. He’s smart, too, so that’s a dangerous trait in any animal that can use a hairball as a tactical weapon. The cat is a waddling combo platter of neurotic tendencies, nervous habits, digestive surprises and strange noises. Pinko, who is a Russian Blue, has a voracious appetite, as his 16 pounds will testify, but there’s more to him than his capacity for consumption. These days, my wife, Amy, and I share our home with a blue-gray blob of fur named Pinko, who could pass for Chloe’s brother if judged simply by body type. As you’ve probably guessed by now, “Secret Life of Pets” was not made by Pixar.Īfter observing the felines who have bunked at my quarters over the past three decades, there is a wealth of material to exploit when it comes to cat behavior. “The Secret Life of Pets” - which has an absurdly busy and convoluted plot involving a revolutionary, sewer-dwelling rabbit who is leading a war of terror on pet owners - doesn’t try to dig deeper and is content to rely on stereotypes. Sure, she can’t resist chasing the red dot from a laser pointer but that’s not really a revealing personality detail, is it? Chloe is gluttonous, self-centered and lazy. She is a blue-gray blob of fur who hates dry cat food and raids the refrigerator to devour an entire cooked chicken after her owner leaves the apartment for the day. The leading, domesticated cat character in “The Secret Life of Pets” is named Chloe. The cats are about as charming as a raging case of scabies. The clowder is led by a hairless, pink-skinned feline that has perforated ears, an inflamed eye infection and an over-boiled English accent. In a scene that is guaranteed to traumatize any 5-year-old, alley cats attack the movie’s two protagonist pups, rip off the pooches’ ID collars and send them running into the arms of the dog-catchers. The cats in “The Secret Life of Pets” are either cruel thugs or fat slugs. Nearly all the talking dogs in the movie are lovable mutts who adore their human owners and want nothing more than a ball to chase or a comfy place to sleep. The new animated, anthropomorphic comedy “The Secret Life of Pets” has a real serious problem when it comes to cats.
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